My father named me. My mother was going to call me either "Amy" or "Elaine" - she hadn't quite decided. But then my father said to my mother, "Well, you got to name the first baby. I should get to name this one." He found the name "Chandra" in some book he was reading. It was an Indian surname.
I have no idea how he decided to pronounce it "Shandra" to rhyme with "Sandra." I cruised along happily with my name until I got to school. There, several teachers insisted on calling me "Shondra." I would have to correct them over and over and over - "It's 'SHAN-dra,' you know, like chandelier."
When I went to university, however, I decided "Shondra" sounded more refined. So I began introducing myself as "Shondra" to new people I would meet. However, to family and to friends who had known me for years, I was still "Shandra."
My first husband called me "Shandra," but at work, I was "Shondra." When my work world & private world collided, people from work would get flustered and say "Oh my gosh, I've been mispronouncing your name! How DO you pronounce your name, anyway?"
I felt a little ridiculous saying that although my parents had intended that I be "Shandra," I preferred "Shondra." It made me feel pretentious. Perhaps I was pretentious.
Yup, in retrospect, I was. I grew up in a small town in Ohio, and even among the dorks, I was a dork - I was SuperDork. I longed to cast off this small-town identity and embrace the REAL me struggling to get out, the me that was cultured and interesting and fabulous. I had no idea at the time what a cliche I was. I really believed that somehow I was different.
And truth be told, I was different. My little small-t0wn high school valued things like school spirit, football games, athleticism, and so on. I had no use for school spirit. School was a pragmatic concern - their role was to educate me so I could get the hell out of there. Football games merely provided me the opportunity to play a clarinet during half-time. I didn't give a rat's ass who won or lost. Athleticism? Ha! If any of my phys ed teachers even remember me, which is doubtful, they'd say I was the one chosen last for the team, and I was pretty damned sullen about it.
I was the kid who tried out for every play, and got roles in most of them. I was the kid in choir. I was the tall girl in Grade 12 with a "Fuck all of you!" attitude - I wore makeup and high heels so that I'd be more beautiful and taller than everyone else so I could look over their heads and yawn disinterestedly. I was the one who didn't put myself out too much to make new friends - what was the point? I'd e out of here soon enough anyway, off to where my real friends were waiting. Besides, I already had my little circle of friends, and they were all I needed.
So yes, I was definitely Chandra pronounced "Shondra." Man, it's a wonder anyone tolerated me at that school. Oh wait - they didn't.
Anyway, fast forward - I continue to introduce myself as "Shondra" for the next 20 years. My current (and hopefully final) husband calls me "Shondra." He says it suits me better.
So now I live in a western Canadian city. I introduce myself as "Shondra." But for some reason, they all call me "Shandra" here. I don't bother to correct them. Now the situation is reversed. I'm "Shondra" at home and "Shandra" at work.
Yesterday, at my daughter's birthday party, the daughter of one of my coworkers was invited. Her father, the parent that I work with, said "Wait - we've been calling you 'Shandra,' but your husband just called you 'Shondra.' How do you say your name?"
When I try to explain that I have no idea anymore, and it really doesn't matter anyway, people ask me "Well, what do you WANT to be called?" So I ask them "Which do YOU like better?" Sometimes they pick one over the other. But if they're unwilling to do that and if they press me, I say "Okay, my family and my childhood friends call me 'Shandra.' My friends since university call me 'Shondra.'"
This causes some people to determine that my real name must be 'Shandra' since this is what my parents named me. Others decide that I was 'Shandra' but am 'Shondra' now.
Sometimes I think it would have been easier to be "Amy" or "Elaine." Especially "Elaine." I could be an "Elaine." But it's too late. I'm Chandra/Shandra/Shondra to the bone.
4 comments:
I share the same name! Chandras are so rare it's fun to see someone else with my name. Thing is, though, I say CHAN-dra, like in Charlie Chan or something. This is closer to the original sanskrit, which is said Chun-dra, from what I have found. Whatever the way to say it, Chandra rocks!
Hi Chandra, nice to have met you LOL. I am also Chandra, pronounced the way you prefer, the more refined pronunciation, Shon-dra. I answer to any name similar. I'm pretty used to people not saying my name right. I get Sandra, Sondra, Cassandra, the list goes on. Just basically if I know I'm being addressed, I answer😕. Trying to get certain people, especially older people to twist their tongues around Shon-dra is too much. Also, almost no one spells it right. If they by chance get the 'Ch' right, they almost always follow it up with an 'o', spelling Chondra. My father named me too. I was the first and only girl of 4. My brothers have common names. My father refused to let my mom name me Summer. Often times I wished my name were Summer, much more simple. I gave that name to my daughter, the oldest one. I went to school with one other Chandra, pronounced similar. Always a thrill to hear of others, especially pronounced like mine.
I'm also Chandra (pronounced like Shawn-dra). Interesting to see how many of us were named after our fathers. I was named after my Dad's friend, PJ (short for Petrajayachandran), who said it could be a girl's name if the CH was pronounced as a Sshhh.
I work in tech so it's quite common for folks of Indian descent to tell me about our name. Our name is more typically given to baby boys and is less common for girls in India. Of course in the US, it seems more common to use the soft SH sound and a wholly uncommon name for a boy.
Did you folks know the Hindu god with our name is also a bit of a trickster
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