I've changed my mind.

I don't want to be an Avon lady.

It was fun at first, when my coworkers ordered from me and I got to sort all the orders into bags, throw in some samples, and then deliver the stuff.

But orders from my coworkers have petered off, and frankly, I don't feel like pestering them with perky reminders to check out their brochure or blah blah blah.

The first few times I went around the neighbourhood distributing brochures was fun, but then it got old.

And it's not about whether or not I can be successful at this. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I persist and if I get brochures out there and follow up and build relationships, I know it can work.

But even if it works, I just don't want to do this.

Why did I want to do it in the first place???

Let me think . . .

Well, it all started when I just wanted to order some lipstick, but then got to thinking, hmmm, maybe this would be a way to earn extra money.

So I thought I'd give it a try.

And I gave it a try. Granted, it wasn't much of a try, but I've tried it enough to know that I'm just not that into it.

Frankly, while some of the products are good, there are too many products that are only mediocre, so I just can't wholeheartedly endorse the Avon brand.

Secondly, I can't seem to shed the notion that Avon is . . . well . . . of a certain calibre. Too many people rolled their eyes at me when they found out I was selling Avon. Too many neighbours that I met for the very first time through Avon now see me as the "Avon Lady." Do I care what they think? Somewhat. Let's just say that as little as I care about their opinions, I care about them more than I care about Avon. So clearly Avon isn't worth it to me.

I feel like I'm letting the woman I signed up under down. She is so very nice & encouraging.

So, if I don't want this, what do I want?

I'd rather spend time on my too many blogs.

Which brings me to my next point - I just love complicating my life. There was no room in my life for Avon, but I brought it in anyway. I don't have enough time to keep up with one blog, so I started 3 more. I have a tendency to launch into things, bite off more than I can chew, and then drop everything! Then after I've dropped everything, I noticed that there's space in my life, so I quickly fill it up again.

I should figure that out.

I've revisited my 5 year goals, and even those are too diverse for me to get a handle on. I need to focus on just one, but when I do that, the other two scream for my attention. For example, when I spend the bulk of my attention focused on health & fitness, our finances seem to teeter on the edge, and then I realize I need to focus on finances instead. So I focus on finances, and then have a health scare of some sort. So then I try to focus on both, and then come to find out I'm not spending enough time with my daughter, and my house is a mess.

I think I need to give things some serious reflection, get clarity on what I want, and then focus on what I want, and just manage everything else.

Even this blog isn't turning out how I wanted. I wanted this blog to be more insightful, maybe more humorous, and certainly not as much of a "Dear Diary" as it's turned out to be.

But maybe a "Dear Diary" format is what I need now for some reason.

And still more pondering . . .

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that the Law of Attraction works.

I really wanted a play structure and a bunk bed. We now have the play structure, but not the bunk bed. We do have a trundle bed now, though, which serves the same purpose.

However, I've had this concern all along about a bunk bed - what if, in spite of the railings, she falls out? What if she's trying to get out of bed in the middle of the night to get to us and she falls? What if, what if, what if . . . ?

So a few weeks ago, she really did fall out of bed in her sleep. She was unhurt but very startled, so she began to cry. After a little hug & a cuddle, she went right back to sleep.

So perhaps my mixed signals to the Universe is what brought the trundle bed to pass, rather than the bunk bed.

A lot of reading lately

As I mentioned in my previous post, my sister bought me the book "The Secret." So I read that, which led to a desire for further inquiry.

This let me to read two Abraham-Hicks books. I was skeptical about Esther Hicks' channeling, especially when I listened to the mp3 files on the site linked above - if she's receiving "blocks of thought" as she says, which she translates into English, what's up with the funny accent?

This led me to the more credible Wayne Dyer, to The Power of Intention and You'll See It When You Believe It, which led me to open my mind to the possibility that maybe Esther is channeling - who am I to say she's not? And interesting that he indicates that he's not impressed with his title of Dr. yet his website refers to him as such.

And this led me to The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist, which is an absolutely transformational book that I highly recommend. I just finished the book today.

Now my mind is a blur.